I am writing this to all of the home buyers out there. I’m calling you Joe so if your name is Susan, Elijah, Maricela, or Bob, don’t be offended. Joe is easy to remember and type. Your last name may be different but for today your last name is Homebuyer. So, this letter is for you, Joe Homebuyer.
Anyway,
how have you been ? We’ve missed you a lot this year in the housing
market, Joe. I know that we’ve had a heckuva party the first five
years of the decade and frankly, it might have gotten a little too
crazy for you. Sorry about that. You know how it is when that cheap
money keeps flowing like a keg at a frat party; nobody ever knows when
to say when. Some of us didn’t see you slip out the back door when
that groovy band, The Speculators,
came in and started selling homes to each other last year. I’m sorry I
didn’t get a chance to tell you good bye and get your phone number. I
really wanted to get together .
Joe, let me tell you the gossip. The Speculators really weren’t that good; they only knew one or two songs. A new guy named Ben Bernanke
came and made us all straighten up and fly right. He raised the price
of money. Fortunately, it looks like he stopped. The sellers are all
in a fog now. They don’t know how the price of their homes isn’t
logical to someone like you BUT…they’re starting to get the message.
The builders? Fuhgedaboutit.
I think we’re all in bit in a fog
but we’ll be partying again soon. I know that you’re hearing all kinds
of bad things from those dudes at the newspapers, and the TV, and on
blogs on the internet but you have to remember that they are spectators
not players. In the meantime, you have a pretty good chance to be
first in line when the new band gets cranked up. They’ve got kind of
gloomy sound but you might like them. They’re called “The Foreclosures”.
I heard them back in the 90s and man they are even better than “The
Speculators“. I hear they’re back for their “Together Again Tour”. I
promise you that you won’t want to miss their show!
I’ll tell
you what. Why don’t you come on in and see me or another mortgage
broker. We’ve toned things down a lot since the last party. We’re not
letting the underage kids get into the party with those exotic loans
anymore. Dude, that was nuts! Now we actually care if you can make
the payments. We’ll get you pre-approved with some sane terms and find
you a payment you can afford. We’ll introduce you to some really cool
Realtors who also learned a lesson from the last party.
These
Realtors totally rock! When “The Foreclosures” start playing, they’ll
get you front row seats below face value. All we have to do is ask
them to low-ball the sellers. Those sellers are in such a fog and are
so scared of “ The Foreclosures: Together Again Tour” that they’ll
bail and you’ll get a SWEET deal!
Joe, we
really miss you. We’ll make sure to listen to you. You’ve been so
good to us in the past and without you, there just isn’t any party!
Call me or just leave your number here. I’m looking forward to seeing
you again!
Brian Brady is a Managing Director of a mortgage
banking firm and hasn’t been to a “frat party” in 20 years. He is San
Diego’s most opinionated mortgage broker and fancies himself a humorist.
